Stoned Philosophical Rant

(Photo Credit: Unknown Photographer Creative Commons/gravityglue.com)

I feel an ebb of confusion welling up within me, echoing like a heartbeat that is growing in intensity. The source of the confusion isn't clear, it's as if a multitude of facets coordinated an attack on my subconscious; distracting me as they detract the attention of my focus. A parallel to my conventions is dissimilar to my self, hidden beneath the surface of my skin like a pebble below a pond; obscured by algae and scum, but visible only in the hues it represents.
I redouble my mental faculties in order to preserve the image, to understand and comprehend it's meaning, but the more my mind stresses the picture the more rips and tears it rends, distorting the image further. Not only are the enemies which assail me external but there exist internal foes which seem even more dangerous; more-so because they don't instigate events, only perpetuate the existence of those events. I find that I cannot dissuade my mind, nor can I articulate enough to disengage my clarity from these detractors. Eternally shall they be married and my perceptive goals lost to me.
I am my own worst enemy, unable to disentangle events cause externally from my internal struggles, and my struggles persist beyond my control. I am lost and losing still for I fight a battle I cannot win. I cannot win only because I fight, and realize only then that my fighting, my desire to fight is where I lose my focus, my clarity. So I remove the shackles of my desire, severing the chains which bind me. I focus not on the external conflicts, I resist my urges until they exist no more.
Now I'm free, I have escaped. I don't dwell on those battles which I had lost before I even began to fight, I don't dwell on those forces which exist beyond my self or are self centered in their existence. For my focus to be clear I must clear my focus, and see not what see's me. Only then am I free, disentangled from the cause of my torment, disillusioned to the cause of my pain, aggravation, and fears. Only through the mere schism of self from the world can I then focus on the world of self, and live in the harmony of being, to exist within the world which is free from all discomfort, for there is nothing which needs comfort in the world of self, and as such nothing can exist to detract from a comfort that does not exist.
My focus returned, but only for so long as I refuse my focus from the world, but as I do the world then refuses my focus. there can be no compromise; for one to exist completely, the other must completely not exist. The world of the middle would be preferable, but then the choice becomes the dangerous tangle of focus and the world, and the events which become enemies, and enemies which exist to perpetuate events.
The tormented becomes the tormentor, the cause the effect. And what tangible benefit can one reap from a tormented mind, one conscious of the fact that they will never completely possess the focus of virtue they seek, and the focus of a mind capable of seeking solace from that torment. The conundrum lies in that; to be free of the torment of the world, the world ,must be free of torment, but for torment to be nonexistent one must be detached from the world so that the complete potential of their focus can be applied; but in complete focus lies nothing worldly, so for one to focus on the world completely they will lose all focus, but in loosing all the world they have focus with nothing to apply it to. In a simple way one can focus on nothing or have nothing to focus on.



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